AREA ZONE

:)  — trying to pacify someone by acting happy. very suspicious.

: )  — trying to convey authentic happiness. still very suspicious.

;)  — attempt at seduction. hinting at inside joke. probably both.

; )  — a more sterile version of the previous.

:D  — enthusiasm tainted by insanity.

:DD  — extreme enthusiasm. “rabid with excitement”, and/or actual rabies.

:DDD(any number of Ds)  — sarcastic enthusiasm.

;D  — the face you make as you betray your fellows and escape with the loot.

XD  — uncontrollable laughter.

:]  — bashful, heartfelt gladness. very trustworthy!

:>  — playful, impish, self-satisfied. 

>:)  — schadenfreude anticipation.

>:D  — sadistic joy.

:S  — confusion. airheadedness. do people actually use this?

:P  — mild derision. “I’m kidding”. resignation to gallows humor.

: P  — as above, but more lifelessness and resignation.

;P  — derision, but trying to soften the blow with a bit of flirting.

:|  — boredom. regret. semi-apologetic.

:\  — disappointment.

:/  — did you actually expect this to be any different? as above.

:(  — pure sadness.

: (  — condolences. sympathy, without visceral experience of the sad.

;(  — melodramatic sadness

:[  — sadness tinged with hopelessness.

:<  — victim-face. but you’re actually enjoying it.

:C  — dropped your icecream cone.

:O  — surprise, amazement, wonder, wordless shock.

:0  — muted surprise.

>:(  — anger.

>:[  — frustration.

>:0  — indignation.

Any of the colon/semi-colon emoticons, but reversed [ie. (:, 0:, &c.]: I am a heartless deceiver here to fuck with you. I have abandoned my humanity: life and beauty mean nothing to me. OR, I’m using an app that converts orthodox emoticons into weird yellow faces, and I’m trying to avoid that.

^_^  — content. eager to please. very friendly.

;_;  — shock/horror.

;___;  — waterworks of self-pity.

TT_TT  — even more self-pity.

o_o  — wtf, man.

o_O  — you’re crazy, but I am also crazy.

>_>  — suspicion. or suspiciousness.

>_<  — embarrassment. annoyed at self.

-_-  — annoyed at other.

=_=  — “I’m too old for this shit”/”I’ve been awake for 72 hours”.

[David Attenborough voice]

Although summer has begun to wane, a new energy permeates this broadleaf forest: the trees’ yearly mating ritual is underway.

[cut to trees]

Young male trees bustle with excitement, eager to compete for the favor of neighboring females.

[cut to David Attenborough standing in front of a tree]

However, courtship is a costly ceremony. This tree, [pointing] is just beginning a dance intended to woo nearby potential mates. It’s much too slow for the human eye to perceive, but we can speed things up.

[timelapse tree footage]

First, the male begins swiveling his branches to and fro, rustling at a much higher frequency than usual. Impressive–but the dance still lacks a vital ingredient: color.

[closeup of leaf]

The tree achieves this much-desired vibrancy by cutting off circulation to his outer leaves, turning them bright red and orange. The strategy isn’t without risk, as entering autumn too early can have severe consequences.

[cut to pair of trees]

Luckily for this male, his efforts have paid off. And since trees mate for life, he’ll never have to worry again.

[…]